Sudden urge to blog

Sudden urge to blog..

Don't know. Don't think she is free to read this online novel any more.

When she told me that she is going to go back at the end of the year for new year celebration..

I felt lost...

Can't bear to let her go.. cause ever since we got together, we have never been apart for this long..

10 days..

I know.. I must not be selfish.. she is here for almost 2 years.. its time for her to go back.. see her parents... her grandparents.. her siblings.. her relatives..

I know i know..

I just.. can't bear to..

Fought this feeling..

Finally.. accepted the fact.. that she will miss me even though she is back there...

today.. she told me that her grandpa is asking if she is going back on Xmas.. even her dad wishes her to go back for xmas too..

Heart sank further..

So.. which means.. she won't be celebrating New Year with me.. she won't be celebrating 1st year, 1st month with me... now.. she won't be celebrating Xmas with me..

I felt so so demoralised after hearing that from her...

I don't have the courage to stop her from going back before xmas.. Nor i have the courage to ask her to stay with me.. f0r xmas..

YC said.. xmas to them is very important season.. it is good to let her go back and celebrate with her family...

Marissa asked me if I have any plans for xmas.

I said no.

Marissa said it is okay for her to go back then since I also have no plans too.

I dont know how to get this selfish thought out from me..

The thought of her.. not here for 3 important dates.. simply kills me.

Mood swings and swings..

Maybe its because she didnt show or find it pity that we cant celebrate together..

maybe.. it is really more meaningful to spend it with her family..

maybe.. i dunnoe...

feel myself insignificant.

smaller than a grain of sand.

All of a sudden.. I am scared of losing u, losing this relationship. DOn't ask me why. I am just scared.

Don't think ur parents are going to accept me.

I want u to be my future too.. do u noe..?