Day 2 - Christmas Eve

It was an undesirable Christmas eve.

Unbearable.

Sales was good. But the christmas mood seemed to have vanished with the
absence of bb.

Was pondering if it's self induced pathetic-ness or seeking for attention.

After work, exchanged greetings before we went on seperate ways.

Went RC (yet again) with Aaron.

Finally managed to get a decent yet innovative pressie from Osim for dad.

Hopefully, he don't complain too much about it.

Surprisingly, almost everyone was at home except that sister of mine.

Watched the usual drama. Online at 11pm. Exchanged smses with bb.

Don't know. Doesn't have the mood to sms her.

She is having so much fun yet I am nearly bored to death at home.

But still... I am glad that she is happy with her family.

At least, compared to last year, she is much happier this year.

She was crying, pinning for family. I can't do much except to offer her shouler to lean on, comforting words and tissue for wiping her tears.

 

At least this year, she is having so much fun back home. 

 

This year.. too much things happened within this short period of time.

 

Doesn't seem to be able to handle all the feelings at any point of time.

 

I should feel upset because my uncle has passed away.

I should feel lonely because bb is not around.

 

I should feel joyful because Christmas is here.

 

I should feel excited as AGM is approaching. 50% is good news. 50% is bad news.

 

I should feel relieved cause paylite has approved.

 

I should feel angry because some of stupid people who has passed comments and advise even though it has nothing concerning them.

 

Overwhelming of mixed feelings. Too extreme. Till I really have no idea how to determine my mood. What to feel. What to do.

 

Think I am becoming eccentric and my temper seems to deteriorate these days.

 

I can feel it. Yet I can't do anything to get away from it.

 

It feel like I am walking to the dark side. Getting isolated. 

 

I know I have a choice. But somehow I am walking to this isolated island on my own accord. 

 

I want to be in a bright room so that I wont get haunt with death of uncle.

 

Alone.

 

Read.

 

Spend time thinking.

 

I am worried for myself.

 

I know I need to do something about it. But I can't.

 

I feel like a emotion burden to BB.

 

Right now, I can feel the anger within me. The urge of wanting to kill and destory a person has resurfaced again.

 

I must try to tame myself during this period of time.

I must.