Day 5 - Mentally Drained

-.- zzzzzzz

Something light which have cheer me a bit bit

 

A cutomer walked in.

 

Him: Do you have Garmin Accessories

 

Me: Yes. May I know what accessories you are seeking for?

 

Him: Show me, I want to see.

 

Me: Possible to tell me what accessories you are seeking?

 

Him: I want something to hold my Garmin in the car.

 

Me: Car holder? May I know what model you are using?

 

Him: I bought it at USD$150 Best buy.

 

Me: (Thinking: CCB la... HOW I KNOW WHICH ONE?)

 

Him: Show me what you have

 

Me: These are the demo

 

Him: Ah.. something like this.

 

Me: oh.. this is the 200 series. 

 

Me: Showed him the item.

 

We started arguing over the face of the placement of car holder

 

Him: This car holder is permanent.

 

Me: No, this isn't.

 

Him: Yes.

 

Him: Yes, it is. It comes with a small disc which you stick to the windscreen.

 

Me: (FUCK LA. This customer is a maron.)

 

Me: that one is for dashboard usage. You stick to dashboard.

Day 2 - Christmas Eve

It was an undesirable Christmas eve.

Unbearable.

Sales was good. But the christmas mood seemed to have vanished with the
absence of bb.

Was pondering if it's self induced pathetic-ness or seeking for attention.

After work, exchanged greetings before we went on seperate ways.

Went RC (yet again) with Aaron.

Finally managed to get a decent yet innovative pressie from Osim for dad.

Hopefully, he don't complain too much about it.

Surprisingly, almost everyone was at home except that sister of mine.

Watched the usual drama. Online at 11pm. Exchanged smses with bb.

Don't know. Doesn't have the mood to sms her.

She is having so much fun yet I am nearly bored to death at home.

But still... I am glad that she is happy with her family.

At least, compared to last year, she is much happier this year.

She was crying, pinning for family. I can't do much except to offer her shouler to lean on, comforting words and tissue for wiping her tears.

 

At least this year, she is having so much fun back home. 

 

This year.. too much things happened within this short period of time.

 

Doesn't seem to be able to handle all the feelings at any point of time.

 

I should feel upset because my uncle has passed away.

I should feel lonely because bb is not around.

 

I should feel joyful because Christmas is here.

 

I should feel excited as AGM is approaching. 50% is good news. 50% is bad news.

 

I should feel relieved cause paylite has approved.

 

I should feel angry because some of stupid people who has passed comments and advise even though it has nothing concerning them.

 

Overwhelming of mixed feelings. Too extreme. Till I really have no idea how to determine my mood. What to feel. What to do.

 

Think I am becoming eccentric and my temper seems to deteriorate these days.

 

I can feel it. Yet I can't do anything to get away from it.

 

It feel like I am walking to the dark side. Getting isolated. 

 

I know I have a choice. But somehow I am walking to this isolated island on my own accord. 

 

I want to be in a bright room so that I wont get haunt with death of uncle.

 

Alone.

 

Read.

 

Spend time thinking.

 

I am worried for myself.

 

I know I need to do something about it. But I can't.

 

I feel like a emotion burden to BB.

 

Right now, I can feel the anger within me. The urge of wanting to kill and destory a person has resurfaced again.

 

I must try to tame myself during this period of time.

I must.

 

Day 1 - The beginning of loneliness.

Supposed to blog this on a daily basis.

 

Guess, my laziness is getting into me, once again.

 

Eve of day 1.

 

Tiring day, I must say. Without much sleep. Watched avatar with Tan, Grace & bb.

 

Back to bb's place at 1am. Slept till 6plus. Returned home. Rushed to Serangoon. Prayed.

 

Returned back to bb's place

 

Went LP, ate lunch there and bought Christmas Pressie for family gift exchange.

 

Bought chocolate from RC.

 

Returned back to Bb's place. Napped till dinner time.

 

That blur BB of mine.

 

Brought luggage which was overloaded by 17KG.

 

1KG - $20

 

*Shake head*

 

After much adjustment, flirting and winking, she managed to get away without paying for anything.

 

Power!

 

Day 1

 

Nothing much except work, get excited whenever bb smsed.

 

Went out with the bunch of noisy part timers and Joanne.

 

Ate dinner and gift exchanged.

 

I picked Lydia and Joanne picked me.

 

Had much laughter with those people.

 

Second round at RC Mac.

 

Rows of laughter, amusement and surprise.

 

haha.

That's how day 1 ended.

 

With a tired me, who drifted to lala land within seconds.

 

 

Lonely Christmas

It's Christmas Eve.. yet it doesn't feel like it's Christmas Eve.

No celebrating mood...

Turned down a couple invitations.

Call me anti social but really.. doesn't have the mood to celebrate anything
at all.

Shall bring laptop home, play game, surf net, watch youtube later on.

that will be the plan for this year Christmas Eve.

Glad that she is having so much fun, with eating.. chit chatting,
celebration...

Dinner now..

Mass later...

Games tomorrow..

Given a choice

Have a Christmas Celebration like year 2008, with her by my side.. heart in
php

or

Have a Christmas like year 2009, with her at php, enjoying and spend every
single joyful moment with her family and friend, me in singapore, seeking
shelter at aunt's place.

I guess.. I will still choose the latter.

So long she is happy, I guess, I should be glad..

Oh well, can't help it but to feel really lonely.

3 more days

So this is how it feels that have mixed feelings.

1st time, this feeling is so overwhelming.

I am happy for her, to be able to go back for visit. To be able to celebrate Christmas and new year season with her family.

Finally, after two years.

But…

On the other hand, I am feeling terribly upset.

Cause she will not be here for me.

After uncle’s incident, I realized, I need her more.

Need her to be physically there.

Need her care and concern.
Need her presence.

Need her to love me.

Nowadays, I have no wants, to go out with friends.

Just want to spend my days with her.

Even though, it might be just a short meet up, quick dinner together, it is enough for me.

Last year, I have celebrated Christmas with Uncle and her.

This year, Uncle has left.

She won’t be around too.

Feel so empty.

The thought of her not being around, sent chills to my heart.

I can’t imagine how days are going to be like without her by my side.

Can’t imagine how days are going to be like on the seasons.

Christmas is a day, when love ones are together.

Don’t really look forward to Christmas.
Don’t really look forward to any celebration at all.

Don’t know how to tell her how I feel.

If only she knows the importance of her presence.

Like a spoilt child who has failed to get what she wants.

Suddenly, I want to be rebellious, to attract attention.

I am freaking angry with the way how things are being handled at the other side.

I don't know why but I still feeling pissed.

Shouldn't get angry because you are also the victim.

But the thing is.. it is sell-willing victimise.

Don't understand the logic.

Not willing to accept.

Next time I shall keep quiet.

U won't understand how much I dislike him at this very moment.

If I am the OIC, I will kick him out of the company.

Too bad I am not.

Maybe I am angry because I can do something at my side but I dare not do it fearing it will affect u.

Maybe I am angry because I find myself useless for not being able to do anything for u.

All possibilities are valid.

Still feeling sore.

Plus a fact, how u deliberately not tell me about the exchange.

It might be a white lie.

But it is a start to more hidden stuff.

Something which I hate.

alot.

Sudden urge to blog

Sudden urge to blog..

Don't know. Don't think she is free to read this online novel any more.

When she told me that she is going to go back at the end of the year for new year celebration..

I felt lost...

Can't bear to let her go.. cause ever since we got together, we have never been apart for this long..

10 days..

I know.. I must not be selfish.. she is here for almost 2 years.. its time for her to go back.. see her parents... her grandparents.. her siblings.. her relatives..

I know i know..

I just.. can't bear to..

Fought this feeling..

Finally.. accepted the fact.. that she will miss me even though she is back there...

today.. she told me that her grandpa is asking if she is going back on Xmas.. even her dad wishes her to go back for xmas too..

Heart sank further..

So.. which means.. she won't be celebrating New Year with me.. she won't be celebrating 1st year, 1st month with me... now.. she won't be celebrating Xmas with me..

I felt so so demoralised after hearing that from her...

I don't have the courage to stop her from going back before xmas.. Nor i have the courage to ask her to stay with me.. f0r xmas..

YC said.. xmas to them is very important season.. it is good to let her go back and celebrate with her family...

Marissa asked me if I have any plans for xmas.

I said no.

Marissa said it is okay for her to go back then since I also have no plans too.

I dont know how to get this selfish thought out from me..

The thought of her.. not here for 3 important dates.. simply kills me.

Mood swings and swings..

Maybe its because she didnt show or find it pity that we cant celebrate together..

maybe.. it is really more meaningful to spend it with her family..

maybe.. i dunnoe...

feel myself insignificant.

smaller than a grain of sand.

All of a sudden.. I am scared of losing u, losing this relationship. DOn't ask me why. I am just scared.

Don't think ur parents are going to accept me.

I want u to be my future too.. do u noe..?

Armani Exchange

1 formal white AX long sleeve shirt - 200 plus

1 formal white-grey AX working pants - 200 plus

1 AX causal belt - 100 plus

1 AX short skirt - 200 plus

1 AX cardigan - 100-200plus

All the above will probably cost you close to 800 bucks.

I paid $144 for all of them.

Cheap? Whahaha..

actually, it should be $160. Thanks to sis, who has 10 percent off when we show her employment ID.

Saved alot!

I am a happy kid!

Finally I get to decorate my wardrobe with AX stuff.

Skirt is meant for baboyy.

Happy happy...

=)

Giddy

Super giddy today.

Think i am dying pretty soon.

Will be doing something new tomorrow.

Hahaha

Been flooded with great ideas.

Tsk tsk..

=)

Few More Days

Hehehe...

Few more days and we would be celebrating our 5th month together..

Yipee...

*In love mode on*

Dha

I love you...

=)

Blocked & Blogged

Was pretty upset when I saw that the blog which you have created for us was being removed after 2 days.

Thus, I have decided to block this address and use it for own use.

Like that you have mentioned previously.

It will be a blog for us. To record every big and small details in our lives together.

One thing for sure.

I know I made a good choice when I told you that I like you.

I love you back then.

I love you more now.